we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
