she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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