I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize