He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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