My brain says no but my pants say off.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
