accomplished twins. life is a go
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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