If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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