I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
