He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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