Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
