Just cropdusted the office
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
