I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
