I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
