Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
