You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
