my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
