I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
