he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize