rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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