it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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