I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
