Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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