Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
