we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
