Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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