its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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