its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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