You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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