I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
