It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
