I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
