i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
