I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
