if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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