Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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