Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
