If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Terrible idea I love it
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
