It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
