My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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