I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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