I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
