u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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