Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
