Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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