which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
