I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
