i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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