I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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