I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
