Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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