I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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