I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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