soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
