New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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