So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
