I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
