I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Shitshow foam night was such a success
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize