and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i now understand why vodka
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
