I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
