sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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