This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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