I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize