I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize