I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm sobbing to NWA
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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