I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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