Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
