I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
