NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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