hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize