Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
