why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
