you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
