I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
