I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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