is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
