genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
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