She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
