You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
