Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize