Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
