So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
As shirtless as possible
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
