she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
