He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
