I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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