I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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