i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
