you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
