I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
