I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
