that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize