1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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