Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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